favorite albums

     to start off this amazing blog, i thought what better way to do this than to share my favorite albums (and eps), what i like about them and why you should listen to them. this entry was created by me listening to each album on repeat as i wrote, so each review would be as honest as possible. i also wrote all of these out of order, so feel free to read them in whatever way you want. hopefully this will set the tone for future posts and give an idea of genres that will be covered. a lot of these albums have built my music taste from the ground up, were "gateways" to other artists or genres, have great meaning to me, or i just consider them perfect and everyone should know about them. these are personal interpretations and applications to my listening experience, so don't get upset if it's not described exactly how the band intended their album to be received. i had to pair it down to the essentials (still more to come), so without further ado, here are my favorite albums as of 2024/2025 (in no particular order):

1. "dear you" by jawbreaker (1995)

    this is a heavily hated emo masterpiece. sure jawbreaker strayed from their diy punk attitude with this album, as opposed to "24 hour revenge therapy", and its very rushed production, but they had every right to if they wanted to make an emo staple (even though its creation was ordered by a record label).

    i know that "real" emo only consists of the d.c. hardcore scene and the late 90's screamo scene and all the elitist shit. don't get me wrong, i'm somewhat of a music snob myself, but music and artists should have room to move, and this album proves how well that can work out. there's a healthy balance of emo sentiment with a punk edge and gritty vocals on tracks like "i love you so much it's killing us" and its edgy lyricism that's held up by the bouncy melody yet droning guitar tone; the somber "accident prone" combines both self-deprecation and at times, a wall of sound that hits you harder than the lyrics themselves; "jet black" 's not so subtle depressive air that gives any decent person goosebumps that sums up depression from the lyrics to its pace and droning sound that makes you feel surrounded, and the blatantly obvious sample that brings a tear to the listener's eye (at least to mine); and the ironically placed "bad scene, everyone's fault" that highly contrasts "jet black" 's tone with this track's early pop punk sound and party theme touching on typical topics of drinking and a friend's messy ex. 

    it's poetic, as cheesy and emo as that sounds, but its true. it's an experience from the first second to the last second (including the track "shirt" that didn't make it on the official release). it's honest and relatable, like talking to an old friend and it comforts you in its 51 minute and 24 second entirety. this album being the way it is, combined with 10th grade me discovering it on youtube during an emotionally taxing and transformative part of my life, made it that much more meaningful to me. i think what i like about this album, besides the perfection of each song, is how through its mostly gloomy sound and it's near "don't be like me" warning coming from it,  you can always find a track or a lyric that applies to virtually any emotion or time in someone's life. a good album can draw on those times and help you process them, like they did for me. 

    i recommend giving this album a listen (unless you already know what's up) because it has such a raw sound that, with a little getting used to, feels familiar to other bands and songs of the mid-to-late 90s and is just one of those albums you have to listen to at least once in your life. 

2. "dirt" by alice in chains (1992)

    if you relate to this album in any way, i'm so sorry. its one of those albums that while being great and heavily influential and nostalgic for others, it represents a lot of hard experiences people should not have to face, especially alone. "dirt" as an album reflects not only the band's combined struggles, but their individual issues whose intensity fluctuates as the album progresses before giving way to some of the most gut-wrenchingly vulnerable tracks to be on a top charting album.

    i have kind of a selfish philosophy when i listen to music as i believe no one can listen to an album the way i do or appreciate it in the same way. it's not a completely wrong outlook because no one can experience your life the way you do and have the same exact reasons for why they relate but in it's 32 years of existence, "dirt" has become a staple alongside the "big 4" grunge albums with its angst and drug-fueled depressive rage. it's not original to think this album is personal only to me but what i've found (and will continue to bring up) is that an album's effectiveness is how applicable it is to so many people. the number of people who have shared the band's (namely layne's) drug and/ or mental health issues is quite large, and for it to have affected an entire generation and beyond, just shows how great of a work this is.

    "dirt" instantly kicks off with "them bones" hurling itself at you 100 miles-an-hour with such rage it can't help but fill you with a similar anger. i think it's hard to not listen to this album and feel the pain and anger heavily woven in each track and there's nothing wrong with that. music's purpose is to be an art and art makes you feel. its meant to provoke and reveal both the good and bad of humanity. while writing this section, i actually had to step away because i wanted to make sure i did this album justice. it's extremely challenging to effectively capture the album's essence and it's profoundness, even more so regarding its topics of depression and drug abuse. sonically speaking, i think this album implements tone so well. it feels pretty sluggish no matter the tempo and has a melancholy and regretful air to it that attempt to embody what it feels like to be held back by something. the tracks "junkhead", "dirt", "hate to feel" and "angry chair" hit very close to home for me. as i mention later when i talk about "around the fur" (oops! spoiler), this album was on repeat during the height of my depression. it spoke to me on so many levels with my mental health issues and i related to it a little too well. while i can thankfully say i didn't try and cope with drugs, i did however find other unhealthy ways that i used to "cope". "junkhead" talks about drugs and feeling outcast to what professionals and others say about self-medicating and, again i cannot relate to the whole sentiment. what i did relate to was feeling misheard when i opened up about my struggles and felt blamed for what i thought i was consciously and willingly doing to myself. the lyrics to "dirt" were actually scrawled all over a notebook i had and that definitely opened my eyes to how troubled i was (edgy, i know). but in all seriousness, relating to any of these lyrics is definitely a sign that you need help because no one should feel like they're that deep into their issues that they can't get out. it also captures how it feels when you need someone to blame for your problems. "hate to feel" speaks for itself. being in a constant state of depression day in and day out is so dehumanizing and makes you feel gross and, of course, this song creates that sentiment perfectly. and yes, that's not all the song is about, but for my own personal application, this is what it means to me. finally, "angry chair" has other topics involved in it, but ultimately, in my eyes, it deals with the ups and downs of depression. you blame yourself, you blame your childhood, you blame others and give up because it takes too much energy to be angry all the time. overall, what i found was this album has enough rage, regret, sadness and guilt, that it feels FOR you. these songs capture so much feeling, listening to it is like leaning on someone who's struggling alongside you. 

    i really don't have any profound closing remarks except for noting that while i listened to this album enough for a lifetime, it will always be a part of me. i cite it as one of the reasons i found the strength to get my shit together because i know i wasn't too far off from going down a path of self-destruction with even more unhealthy coping skills mentioned in the album. to really listen to this album, you have to mentally prepare yourself but i think the only way to fully appreciate it is when you find yourself in a dark spot and need something to speak to you in a way that no one else can.

3. "floral green" by title fight (2012)

 

    how does one describe an underground cult classic that has been inevitably swept up and "ruined" by tik tokers who continually grasp for some semblance of uniqueness only to make it yet another thing to be romanticized and sexualized. "title fight bf" this ":3" that "i wish title fight got back together"...STFU stop using good music to personify your shitty ideals and compare them to your insanely manipualtive psychotic ex-boyfriend who justified cheating on you during your break and then got mad when you went to your guy best friend's house to cry about it and called you unloyal. all the while he's posting sunsets and blunts with the rio de janeiro filter overlayed and "head in the ceiling fan" lyrics popping up. do you see the issue? do you get my dilemma? i honestly wish 15 year olds would just stop.

    i was blessed to have not discovered title fight on tik tok, but rather a mix of talking to family and caving into watching the infamous head in the ceiling fan title fight video that inevitably changed the entire trajectory of my life. "floral green" is yet another one of those albums that helped me navigate my deteriorating, and ultimately healing, mental health journey, sophomore year "love" and my journey of discovering great sounds. it's also an album that can be applied to so many areas of life that makes it such a personal listen and self reflection. title fight grew their sound from both "the last thing you forget" (a heavily over looked album that is 100x better than hyperview) and "shed" 's pop punk and gritty sound to a slightly more refined angsty wall of sound that resembles shoegazey tones cut by heavy distortion and crazy good reverb in all the right places. it's a post-hardcore, melodic hardcore, midwest emo and shoegaze-adjacent insane mix of sound. it's an ode to over thinkers, depressives and becoming a new person through it all. 

    i can't suggest just one song because they're all so good alone, but when listening to the album all the way through, it's so rewarding and is comparable to a spiritual awakening. if i had to pick my favorite songs, i would probably choose "numb, but i still feel it", "leaf", "make you cry", "sympathy" and "lefty". i really had to restrain myself from listing a good chunk of songs off the album and yes it's a shocker that "head in the ceiling fan" wasn't chosen. it's in that list in spirit because it should be a given that it's a godsent gift from ned russin and jamie rhoden and any sane person would have it in their favorites for this album or from the band as a whole. as i mentioned, i discovered title fight by watching the music video for "head in the ceiling fan" but i had actually seen it in my recommended videos for a year or so before i watched it. at the time, i didn't understand that youtube videos that had horrible camera quality with scrawny guys on the thumbnail meant that i was gonna find my new favorite band. now, i recognize this and save every crappily recorded music related video or any emoviolence/ skramz videos i can find with quadruple screenshotted 2000's abstract frutiger-something design for the album. going back to the music video itself, i remember after seeing it i felt shocked and like i discovered a gold mine. i know they've been an underground favorite for years but that video felt super personal. the cinematography didn't catch my eye so much as the feeling the music evoked while watching it. i felt sorrow, nostalgia and a calming sense of existential dread. this wasn't bad at all, rather it literally altered how i looked at music, how it could sound and the feelings it could evoke. naturally, my digital algorithm was connected between youtube and spotify as "floral green" had been suggested to me on spotify for about as long as "head in the ceiling fan" had been suggested to me on youtube. 

    i think what is most impressive about this album is not the vocals or the instruments, but how they're used to convey the very real lyrics and day to day dilemmas people face, putting them into words and sounds in a way that no one could ever think of expressing. "numb, but i still feel it" is the perfect way to start off the album because it sets the "melancholic- self loathing- agitated-desiring a change in life" tone that is carried throughout. one of my all time favorite lyrics off the album comes from "leaf", saying "i feel scared of knowing/ i'm just a single leaf in the wind blowing". sure, its cheesy at first glance, but the way it's delivered is so gut wrenching, i feel it across my entire existence in the multiverse. it leaves you wondering how lost you are and do you even know what you're doing with your life or if the path you're on is really the right one? are you unique or are you just another face in the crowd? "like a ritual", especially the chorus,  resembles how depression and hurtful things people say to you can become a harmful mantra in your day to day life. "secret society" used to be that one song off the album that i couldn't stand. in an interview from spin magazine (supplied by genius because i haven't done much research for this), ned says they actually tried to make a "beautiful ugly song" and it obviously worked. there's not much to say about it except after listening to it a good 30 times, it made it to my top songs of 2022 on spotify, so it's definitely a hidden gem among the rest. skipping "head in the ceiling fan" for obvious reasons, "make you cry" is one of those songs that much cannot be said about, rather you just need to listen to it to get it. from the very bottom of my heart in all the deepest and darkest crevices of my soul and very being, "sympathy" is a no skip. it juxtaposes the idea of wanting to be everything everyone wants you to be and wanting to be liked while still being an interesting person. in any capacity, anyone can relate to this, as i'm sure we've all experienced a sense of jealousy for people who are so different but are loved by everyone while we're stuck in the dust hoping people will see we're just as cool as them. or maybe i'm just self-projecting. either way, both lyrically and sonically this song speaks volumes to numerous people. "frown" 's 1st verse is so good the way the lyrics are delivered and honestly, yeah it's just a sonically pleasing song. "calloused", you are cruel. it's an honest song and a great metaphor for holding on to someone or something too long that you become physically affected from it. if you don't feel a slight twinge of guilt after listening to it, go ahead and play that song again for me. "lefty" will never not be a perfect song. point, blank, simple. i mean how much better can a song get? exactly. closing it out, a song burdened with ending this masterpiece is "in-between". it not only serves as marking the end of the album, but resolves it with the sentiment that we always have room to grow and find our own way in life that isn't fully marked by our family or the world. 

    closing statement: "floral green" is 10/10, hands down. if you ask any music snob, this album will most likely be in their recommendations and for good reason. it has such a fun and unique sound that has inspired so many artists and helped expand many people's music taste like myself. if you find yourself itching for a sound like title fight, check out this (old as time) playlist: same vibe. the vibes are indeed off in some places but that's what the skip button is for. and as always, just go listen to this album or at least my favorite songs because i guarantee you it WILL be life changing. 

4. "around the fur" by deftones (1997) 

    one thing to know about me is i'm a sucker for good sophomore albums. i don't care how "horrible" deftones is (an awful uninformed take), how popular they are (they deserve the popularity) or how people want a deftones gf (that actually bothers me but that's not what this is about). this album is a perfect marriage of love and lust combined with rage and frustration. it's dark, brooding and it's all so perfectly conveyed with distorted shoegazey sounds that are carried by raw nu-metal aggression. there are so many underrated tracks on here like "mascara", "lotion" and "head up", but they all flow so well and can stand alone (for the most part), making it a solid album. it's a really effective hybrid of so many sounds, there's no wonder why it's loved by so many people, making it a defining anthem for the late 90's. 

    if you've never been blessed by chino's breathy vocals and gritty screams, then this is the perfect album to start with. it sits between their more nu metal album "adrenaline" and shoegaze-esque albums like "koi no yokan" and "gore". granted, their sound is heavy and that crucial element never goes away, but the way they harness it with build-ups and sonically charged shoegaze tones in this album makes their conveyed rage so much more tangible. i remember finding this album on (you guessed it) youtube around mid 9th grade and remembering how odd and oddly familiar the cover was. i can't remember if i found this album first or the legendary  DEFTONES MIX- Outer Space by (my savior) Defgi. side-note about this playlist: i cannot emphasize the importance of this playlist in so many people's lives. it currently has 12M plays and there's fresh comments almost everyday. it made me want to seek out more deftones songs and songs that had that same "spacey" sound and i think that's how i got into shoegaze. if i could marry this playlist, i would get down on my knee so quick without hesitation. but i digress. i'm sure i remembered the album cover from somewhere deep in my early childhood memories, that were filled with good music thanks to my dad. it spoke to me and i knew i had to give it a listen. 

    i can't say too much about this album without acknowledging that it's an experience that's meant to be enjoyed front to back. it just has to be your own listening adventure. i remember listening to atf religiously at the peak of my depression during the fall of my sophomore year of high school (as was the case with most of these albums that i associate comfort and growth with). "around the fur" has that effortlessly autumn and cold weather edge to it, even though people argue it's a summer album for some reason. and i just have to say that if MX has a million fans, then i am one of them. if MX has ten fans, then i am one of them. if MX has only one fan then that is me. if MX has no fans, then that means i am no longer on earth. if the world is against MX, then i am against the world. i don't care that the track is like 30 minutes long and most of it in silence, it should be a national treasure (especially the hidden track because i love a good hidden track). if you haven't listened to this album on the bus coming back from the world's most mid day of school listening to "be quiet and drive" for the 3rd time in a row, then are you really living? and who doesn't love a generationally defining album that came out of the 90's? 

    my point is: LISTEN TO IT!!! yes everyone and their momma has a hot topic deftones shirt and at least knows "be quiet and drive (far away)" or "sextape" (can i marry a song?), but at least you would be better informed and have listened to the album with already so much appreciation for it (i would hope). 

5. "seventh son of a seventh son" by iron maiden (1988)

    if i could write a love-letter to iron maiden, i would. the very idea of a concept album is genius and iron maiden writing one with such precision actually made the stars align and ended all of the world's problems the moment it was released. from the lyricism to the vocals and the very concept of the album itself, "seventh son" is actually a criminally underrated album in iron maiden's discography. dare i say, maybe because of its concept and execution, it should be a cult classic like "number of the beast" and "powerslave". oh and the bass and guitar tone... the very thought of it makes my mouth water and gives me goosebumps. with every solo, every complex instrumental part, with every note: my ears are blessed and i ascend into some out of world unknown dimension. i could actually write an entire blog post about iron maiden's captivating and enthralling guitar tone and steve harris being steve harris and what drugs they put into their techniques because there's no reason an entire generation of metalheads can universally agree that iron maiden is a quintessential metal band. my uncle even told me that my dad had a poster for this album that extended the artwork, revealing intricate details including hieroglyphics, other eddies (the mascot) heads, and non-sensical occult and surreal futuristic phrophetic-like art. maybe that's why i also love this album so much. i wish i had that poster but for now, i'll stick to my mass-produced maiden poster from a record store.

    what i really need to talk about is what this album (and band) means to me, besides me drooling over guitar tone. way back in my childhood, and back into his own, my dad was in love with iron maiden. maiden and metal have always been a BIG part of my life. my dad always had iron maiden shirts lying around, always had maiden playing, was always drinking out of his iron maiden cups ("number of the beast" and "the final frontier" cups that scared me, and now i wish i had them here but they're tucked away in storage for now) and even got our last name (and i think his middle name too) tattooed down his biceps in iron maiden font. as a kid, i barely slept in my room so on those nights that my mom wanted to sleep alone instead of having a kid squashed in the middle, my dad would sleep with me and gave me the choice of what music i wanted to listen to and i always chose metal and he would put on maiden. in the car he would ask what i wanted to listen to, and i always chose metal. needless to say, even early into my childhood, i was a maiden fan. 

    after tragedies in my life and out of concern for my mental health, i wasn't permitted to listen to much metal music or really any music at all. it made me feel even more barren and alone since metal music had been such a large part of my childhood. around junior high, i decided to take it upon myself to go back to my roots and start listening to iron maiden again. surprisingly i was allowed to listen to "hallowed be thy name", maybe because it could be argued as a religious song, but its literally about waiting to be executed. i'm not complaining though because of the legendary drum solo at the end. but somewhere down the line, i reintroduced myself to more of their music and found myself listening to full length albums one by one and discovering how much i love them too. while on this journey, i stumbled upon "seventh son of a seventh son". the album art intrigued me and i didn't see it very high on the charts ( besides the song "can i play with madness" being a hit single). this struck my curiosity and so i listened. man i tell you, if i could re-listen to this for the first time again, i would in a heartbeat. as i mentioned, nearly everything about this album is perfect. maybe its the way that it's their seventh studio album based on folklore (and naturally a sci-fi novel by orson scott card) about the powers of a seventh son born of a seventh son and whether or not they're meant for good or evil and the prophecy of it all, maybe it's the flawless guitar tone or maybe it's just the sheer power emanating from this album as a whole. what i think is the coolest about this album is how it starts and ends the exact same way, like a full circle to the power of the seventh son that this album is talking about. it's perfect start to finish, literally.

    i think i'll briefly give a slightly more detailed insight into my love for the guitars and tracks on this album, so brace yourself. the way acoustic and clean guitar is utilized on this album is genius because it reflects the slight innocence of the child compared to the electric guitar's power synonymous to the power that the child is said to hold. "moonchild" sets the album up pretty strongly, but pales in comparison to the rest of the tracks. the sweet lullaby in "infinite dreams" for the first minute and a half or so crescendos into an intensity that sets the tone for what's to come, just like the moment the unnamed characters are awaiting when the child's powers are to be revealed. "can i play with madness" is very reminiscent of "somewhere in time" (another one of my favorite maiden albums), which i think is really effective as a single and lightens up the album before the seriousness of "the evil that men do". now, i will try my very best to contain my unruly passion for this track. "the evil that men do" immediately traps you with a seductive riff and tone, just like how men can trap you into what they want from you (no matter what that is and no i don't hate men, i'm projecting my own experiences and interpretations). it's so well paced, every note perfectly picked and the sheer power of this track alone brings me to tears almost every time i hear it. i’ve found that some men can be truly evil and i think the way the track is separate from the typical topics in the album, makes it safe to say that it still fits into the album perfectly because of how it describes power. out of every track on this album, i never fail to get goosebumps during the solo. the build up, the pinches, the emotion and every damn thing about that guitar makes me metaphorically fall to my knees and weep. the title track "seventh son of a seventh son" in its 9 minute and 50-something second entirety (true to iron maiden's signature lengthy tracks) captures the essence of what the album is really about. i think what adds to the effectiveness of this song's soundscape is how synths are used and how they amplify the guitars and bass. what makes this track (and many other maiden tracks) so great, is no matter how many times they change time signatures and tempo, or when different riffs or techniques are utilized, it's recognized as a story and you still know it's the same track. regarding the solo, the build up to it is just as mesmerizing and effective as in "the evil that men do", if not even more so. the chaos of the guitar, the the darkened atmosphere and ominous environment created is so powerful beyond just the surface level representation of power within the album. i get goosebumps with every bend and shrill cry of the guitar and the emotion it conveys. i mean, imagine your kid had a crazy power and you didn't know if it would make them good or evil. i would lose my mind just like the guitar. the way the title track builds up to "the prophecy" is also very well executed. the use of clean/ acoustic guitar at the end of this track also effectively ties into the innocence of the seventh son and is a reminder that all of this crazy talk of prophecies and evil power is still about a child. "the clairvoyant" is clean, has a really cool rhythm around the 2:02 mark that seamlessly blends into an equally clean and well timed solo that simply does what it has to do. finally, "only the good die young" opens up with a questionably distasteful line, but makes up for itself in the rest of it's run. it's catchy, the guitar matches the bass' signature galloping sound for a good bit and the guitar solo is evil sounding so how much more maiden-like can this song get? the ending of this track mirrors the intro to the album, like i said, completing that full circle and also earning this album even more creative points (which i don't think is possible).

    to save your eyes, all i can say is that you can maybe kinda see that i really REALLY love this album (and iron maiden). this album is such a treat to listen to from start to finish and for anyone who wants to get into metal, i highly recommend this album above any other "gateway" metal album because of the way that the guitar is presented in both its tone and flavorful variety of techniques presented that can be applied to many bands and genres, the power of bruce's vocals and lyricism as well as it being an album you have to listen to at least once in your life (like all of these albums). i really touched the surface of the album's concepts and guitar but didn't even dive into specifics about what exactly i love sonically about "seventh son" so PLEASE, go listen and see what i'm talking about. 

6. "american football" by american football (1999)

    

    i think i figured out that what i owe a lot of my music taste to is randomly recommended (probably actually chosen by fate) albums and playlists. wanna stop at the gas station before we head back? was one of those random playlists i stumbled across in the second semester of my 9th grade year. i couldn't find the original playlist on youtube for whatever reason, but this playlist was my gateway into midwest emo. unfortunately i don't think this spotify version of the playlist has all of the original songs on it, but it has what matters: american football (yes i know snobs don't call american football a midwest emo band, but this record helped catapult the genre into what it is today). namely, the playlist has the ever iconic "never meant" to kick it off just as strongly as it does in the self- titled album. 

    each track is so breathtakingly emotional with the instruments conveying heartbreak, longing and grief of what once was and what could've been. the soundscape is broken up every so often by equally dejected vocals that say what the instruments cannot. as an angsty high school freshman struggling with mental health issues, this album definitely spoke to me (i swear this isn't a trauma dump blog, a lot of these albums just helped me through a lot of shit and have a special place in my heart because of that connection). i like to think that no matter what we go through or how healed we think we are, we all are subject to the power of music. what i mean by that is no matter where you are in your life, music has the ability to take us back to times of happiness and great joy, but also to dark and uncomfortable places too. this album is one of those for me along with "dirt" and "slipknot" because of the sheer amount of emotion that i connect with. 

    to me, this album is like a warm blanket i can curl up under on a cold day or it's like a stuffed animal i can hold when i need something to comfort me. "american football" consoles me and feels that pain alongside me, and an absence that i have felt at varying levels all throughout my life. it has a beauty to it that definitely makes you take stock of your life and what you still have. sure at 14 years old, you likely don't really have many failed relationships, but losing immediate family however many years before definitely alters the entire trajectory of your life. naturally, anyone would feel lost, alone or wonder what could have been from things that shouldn't have happened. that build up of emotion was able to be felt through these songs. i remember one time during a depressive episode, i somehow found the energy to bake. i put on this album (still using youtube) and started mixing ingredients and all that baking crap. that all really doesn't matter, but what was so profound about this moment was i had broken such a debilitating routine and with this album accompanying me. when the last track "the one with the wurlitzer" ended, it felt like a breath of fresh air. it was like as soon as the album ended, a slight shift in my behavior had changed and i broke a cycle that had kept me stuck. granted, this wasn't an end-all-be-all to my depressive tendencies, but it marked an important part of this journey. instead of having my typical repetitive and down-putting thoughts, my mind was filled with those twinkly guitar riffs and flowing sonic gold. 

    this album marked me and will continue to be a cornerstone of not only my music taste, but my own personal healing journey as well. like most of these albums, i implore you to listen to at least a few of the top songs from this album. they stand alone pretty decently, but like some of my favorite albums, this was definitely intended to be listened to beginning to end. it has cool jazzy elements, slow and drawn out songs as well as just being an overall pretty easy listen for anyone as i find it digestible (when in the right headspace). the thing that makes it hard for me to actively listen to it is simply my own baggage tied to it but "american football" is pretty accessible to listeners of any genre. 

7. "i'll be okay" by sign crushes motorist (2022)

                                         

    i found this album on youtube (shocker!!!) the year it came out. i vividly remember fresh comments praising the album when it only had a hundred views or so, saying that he was gonna make it big with his sound. now sign crushes motorist has over 4M monthly listeners. not to brag, but i was there first guys. 

    i wholeheartedly believe this album deserves all the love it gets, but not all the attention is good. i don't think raw music like this should be posted alongside you looking to get some in your "2000s older brother-core, stretched septum, loser bf, dc shoe-wearing-i'm not like other guys" outfit. this album is PACKED with somber lyrics, guitar and cloudy mixing. its meant to be listened to when you need a cry, after a break up, during a mental break down, while looking inwardly at yourself, contemplating life or even just for vibes (of which i have listened to at least one song off of this album for each of those scenarios). granted, liam (the mastermind behind his "sign crushes motorist" project) didn't even intend for this album to be listened to by anyone, or a large audience at least. ALSO the way i looked forward to seeing him all damn summer only for him to cancel it over hurricane beryl is a personal attack, but i digress. 

    what this album does to me on a molecular level cannot even be explained by scientists. it has altered by genetic code. my cells are actually shaped like the dog on the cover. i'm grateful i found this album when i was repairing my mental health because i really empathized with it's depressive air and helped me reflect on my own experiences, self pity, depression, self loathing, wishing things were different and what that all means for me now. i won't lie, i have sobbed uncontrollably to "there's this girl", "better" and "loser monologue" a time or two and i'm not ashamed to admit it. it's also worth mentioning that "i threw a rock off an overpass and killed a guy" is extremely gut wrenching and is honestly more of a "hold" track rather than a sign crushes motorist track. also i do not care for the "last friday night" cover, so sue me.                        listening to this album makes you feel not only the pain each track evokes, but honors your own personal struggles. it's an album you can vent to and it won't judge you. it keeps the dark secrets about how you feel about yourself and all the mean things you say about yourself. it consoles you and tells you that life isn't perfect all of the time. i think what this album did for me when i first listened to it was it helped me realize how much more healing i had to do, and still do to this day. it's a reminder that pain is a part of life in any capacity. 

    what i find the most beautiful about this album, and sign crushes motorist as a whole, is the wide family of side projects liam has embarked on. by listening to this album, chances are you will seek out sounds like it and stumble upon his side projects, each with slightly differing sounds of various seriousness and ambience. i've already named one of these side projects, so i will not disclose any others. rather, i challenge you to search for as many projects you can find, because it makes listening to them so much more rewarding. 

8. "when your heart stops beating" by +44 (2006)

     there were 2 great things to come out of 2006: me, and this album. i don't know which is better, though i am quite fond of this album. +44 is the brainchild born out of breakup comprised of freshly ex-blink-182 members mark hoppus (husband #1 and bassist/ vocalist) and travis barker (crazy talented sell-out drummer), as well as lead guitarist shane gallagher of "the nervous return" and rhythm guitarist craig fairbaugh of "mercy killers". the name comes from the international dialing code for the united kingdom, where the project was first discussed during the 2005 blink hiatus. it was created for the sole need to experiment, for continuing to create music together and the desire to keep making music in whatever way it presented itself. i believe this band could've made it big, alongside tom delonge's hiatus project "box car racer", not only because of the fact that mark and travis already had over a decade of reputation and popularity under their belts, but because of how masterfully crafted and curated each track is. they utilized what they knew from blink and amplified it times a thousand. think self-titled album, but if it was only written by mark. like yeah it's his band, but you can really feel how much more free he felt in his creative process and his talent of create stuff beyond blink's established standard style of sound. 

    as always, my history with this album dates back to my freshman year of high school and all of my issues from then. it reminds me a lot of sitting in the back of my biology class during finals week and pretending to study while i played this album on repeat. it spoke to my angst, sadness and continual need for someone to capture what i cannot convey myself; my thirst for more blink-like songs, my growing love for pop-punk with dark undertones and the need to feel surrounded by music. i think one of my favorite elements within this album is how well the band harnessed and utilized sound as a whole soundscape. the album reverberates with a surrounding warmth and heaviness that adds to each track's depth. it swallows you and brings you into this dark, brooding world.

    "lycanthrope" is such a killer track (literally). it makes me feel like i'm on the edge of a cliff with lightning and thunder and rain with a werewolf cornering me to my certain demise. this song is the perfect track to start the album as it sets the dark tone and presents themes of uncertainty, dejection, feeling outcast, people changing and the destructive nature of heartbreak. i love the screams, the guitar tone, the tense air and mark's gorgeous voice. "baby come on" is like a full 180, and it's only the second track on the album. it fits somehow by displaying the band's ability to take on lighter instrumentals (as seen later in the album) and how effective they build emotion. this song is a rollercoaster, just like how the lyrics describe this feeling of constant change within people and how life is a constant circle of experiences. one of my favorite lyrics off this album comes from this track: "the past is only the future with the lights on". this lyric says so much in such a small capacity and it amplifies the tone of this track and album in such a significant way. it makes the song feel like a personal argument between two people wanting things to be different and begging for the cycle to end before inevitably realizing that some people just can't change. the title track "when your heart stops beating" is an instant classic and drew in many fans the moment they heard this single. sure, as a die hard fan it is a little overplayed, but for good reason. it's catchy, has grit and edge that are similar to "lycanthrope" 's guitar tone and has that dark lyricism that provides a metaphor for love. it's hard to not like this track and no one should ever speak ill of it. "little death" instantly parades itself as the token acoustic, melancholic and slow song of the album. but one of my favorite parts about this song is how as soon as you grow accustomed to the lulling melody, you're instantly hit with a wave of emotion and desperate pleads coming from the guitars themselves. it's urgent, compelling and tear-jerking. it may seem a little edgy and surface level but once you listen to the song a few times, you can't help but want to fall on the ground in the rain and pound your fist at the pavement after walking away from a deadly car crash, as the song describes. it's like "stay together for the kids" but if it said more than what blink allowed it to. "155" actually pre-dates my high school listening. it was the first taste i had of what this album had to offer all the way back to 6th or 7th grade. for some reason, i had convinced myself that this was the only good song on the album (stupid 7th grade me). but can i blame my 13 year old self? it reminds me of scooby-doo for some reason, with all of the electronic elements and haunting aura, it just feels spooky. the music video is a classic and there's nothing bad i can say about this song. every time i hear the beginning of "155", it hits me with a wave of nostalgia marked by bus rides home, slip-on vans and deeply parted "emo" hair. and i'm not complaining. oh my god "lillian". you are an evil song that entraps me every time i hear you. RELEASE ME!!! i love this song so much, you don't understand. it's like i got punched in the gut and someone's twisting a knife into my stomach. i don't care what the song is actually about and based off of, it makes me feel like i've been cheated on by my evil smoking hot femcel lesbian lover while i take her back for the thousandth time. "cliff diving" is definitely in my top 3 favorite songs off this album (it would be tied in first place with all of the other tracks, but my all-time favorite song is just that much better it has to be 1st). i love everything about this song. AND THE LYRICS. is something ever so good you just need to claw at your face? cuz that's how this song makes me feel. it reminds me vividly of me blasting this on repeat in the back of bio. it fills me with yearning, youthful longing for that dream summer fling and throwing all caution to the wind to do whatever it takes to make crazy memories. it's just so fun and silly and cute, i genuinely will have to fight you if you say anything bad about this song. when i first heard "interlude", i didn't think it fit in well with the album at all. now, it fits perfectly and somehow reminds me of 2010's lifestyle game loading screen music, which isn't a bad thing. it's peaceful and tranquil with a hint of sadness amidst all the angst. "weatherman" asserts itself as a very edgy song that i can unfortunately relate to. it's sad how often we all try to one-up each other on our traumas and mental health conditions. i find that too many people somehow wish they shared my traumas and it's like you don't know what that was actually like for me to go through that and try and process those things all by myself. at times, it can be too much between hearing those things and actually having flashbacks to those moments. sometimes it can drive you crazy and the lyric "let me slip away, i'm barely holding on" can reflect that sentiment of how bad it can get. yes, this was written post-blink breakup, but i find that what this song has helped me through is so much beyond heartbreak and toxicity. it spoke to the part of me that hurt and was left more broken and confused before. i love the experimental bass-fueled track that sounds like it could belong on "self-titled", "neighborhoods" or even "california". it speaks volumes to the different sides of mark and travis' creativity whilst they can maintain certain signature sounds within their writing. "no, it isn't" used to be one of the tracks on this album that pissed me off. mainly because i used to get it mixed up with "make you smile". now, i love every second of it. the guitar tone is so unique as it surrounds you, but still has a hollow and empty sound like something is missing. the beginning of the track sounds like it's holding back and building tension, just like in a real conversation or mental reflection. i will never not love the way this album curates perfect emotion and how the guitar carries emotion that's unspoken by the vocals. it's so powerful, especially once you understand the backstory behind the song. it's smartly crafted and heavily underrated. "make you smile" makes me mad for some reason. i know every word to it, every beat, every strum, but that woman's voice just pisses me off for some reason. i really do like travis' drum and percussion work on this with the glitchy sound and how delicate yet raw the guitar is. i always go into this song hating it but once i listen to it, i always secretly love it. just don't tell anyone. listen to it for yourself to see what you think as i cannot make up my mind about this track. "chapter 13" is one of my favorite songs of all time. i love how it hits you with a wall of sound. it takes me back to early high school; the tik tok indie craze, trying to fit in and our house renovation. as always, i had this song turned up all the way in my bio class and i always had to listen to it at least 3 times in a row, it's just that good. simple speakers don't do it justice. you have to listen with earbuds or airpods because you quite literally need that song in your ears in order to listen to it properly. i love the layered guitars that combine that clean sound with heavy fuzz and grit. and that little beeping or squealing sound always scratches my brain for some reason. i listen to this and am always overcome with the need to scream this song out loud. i need the lyrics tattooed on me or attached to my soul or being somehow in someway. i love the first verse as it hits you like a punch along with the instruments. and i have no words for what the chorus does to me. it speaks to me in volumes to the most primal components of my being. i mean at any point in the song, i love the lyrics and AHHHHH i love the drum fills, i love mark's vocals, i love the lyrics so much, i love the guitar, i love this song. it's such a bittersweet song as an ending track as it's so good, it leaves you wanting more. more from the album and more from the band. on occasion, the song speaks to me so much in regards to how crazy talented and unique this band was that i relisten to the whole album again. there's a long outro that leaves you with silence and it gives me the air i need to breathe after listening to something as powerful as "chapter 13" and gives you time it reflect on the perfection of the album. if you were to listen to any track of the album i would suggest it simply because of how perfect it is. but i would also not suggest it because i don't know how any of the tracks can strongly hold up to it. it's just that good. 

    if i were to leave you with any sentiment of what i think of this album, it would be this: please, please, please, dear god PLEASE listen to this (and tell mark and travis to get the band back together). it's such a revolutionary album yet i only hear about it deep on blink fan pages, youtube guitar channels dedicated to blink and within like 2 family members. i wish more people knew about it, but it has that beautiful underground sound to it that makes me want to keep it a secret. with that in mind, as you reach this point i set up something that may or may not make your device explode if you even think about this album other than to listen to it. if you speak about it, that's when shit gets real. it's that serious. 

9. " i don't want to grow up" by descendents (1985)

 

    punk wouldn't be how it is today without this album and that's a scientifically proven fact. this album has been cited as the humble beginnings for pop punk, and in my case, they were a heavy inspiration for blink-182, who in turn inspired the next generation of punk, pop punk and emo. this album is packed with angsty adolescent sentiments teetering on college experiences and holding onto youth while realizing that life goes on despite this all. there's milo's hopeless romanticism, "slight" misogyny on tracks like "no fb", sex sex sex, instrumentals, angst revolving around growing up and growing old, the need to stay young and energetic, individuality, the call to stay punk and true to the music, passion, rebellion, anti-establishment and everything that revolves around carefree youth and what it means to be punk, especially at the time (in 1985). i've always had anxiety around my childhood and youth. am i doing enough? am i making memories? will i always be like this and be able to express myself as i please? in asking myself these questions, and many more like them, i find that they parallel the themes in this album to a t and that's what makes me love it even more. 

    pop punk and punk in general has always surrounded me. from a young age i'd say i was taught punk ideals like accepting people for who they are, sticking up for myself no matter the consequences, the importance of community, encouragement to be myself and that it's okay to reject the mainstream and i've later learned how stupid the government is, the impact buying secondhand and diy (yes i spend a lot but at least it goes towards better causes than basically free abusive labor in factories or wasting fabric and resources). i also grew up around a lot of "alternative" family members who taught me these things just by them living their truths and exposing me to cool music. my uncle always had blink posters up in his room and over the past few years i noticed his "milo goes to college" figurine (that i'm jealous of). through years of expanding my music taste, i'd never found a sound that satisfied my need for another band like blink, until i found descendents. it sounds like a reach, but if you listen to old blink (pre-enema of the state), then you'll hear the descendents influence. i had listened to songs like "hope", "suburban home" and "everything sux" and really liked them but never thought i could find anything that could top their genius and quick punk wit. funnily enough, i discovered one of my favorite descendents songs, "good good things", from drain's cover that showed up on my discover weekly some time last year. it immediately got me hooked and i shared it with my uncle, to which he informed me that it was originally a descendents song off their "i don't want to grow up" album. naturally, i listened to that album and i've never looked back.

    the most prevalent memory i have listening to this album is during thanksgiving break of 2023. we had gone to georgia to spend thanksgivng with some family we hadn't seen in a while and i had recently started listening to descendents pretty seriously, and practically exclusively. i was full of a lot of uncertainty during this time as i've always struggled with family holidays for one reason or another and i was anticipating for this thanksgiving to be the same. it honestly wasn't too bad but whenever i felt my social battery running out, i turned this album on. on the plane ride there and back, i listened to "milo goes to college", "9th & walnut", "bonus fat", "enjoy", "all" and of course "i don't want to grow up". what stuck out to me the most about this album is it's unique sound combining punk with fun poppy elements that parallel to blink's sound less than a decade later. i couldn't stop listening to it and i still can't. 

    the album begins with the track "descendents": an anthem and ode to bill stevenson leaving the band for black flag before returning for the creation of this album. it shows early on that the descendents care for all the members but most importantly, they care about the music, how it sounds and the message it brings. "i don't want to grow up" is the title track and sets the stage for what's to come in the album. i think it's smart that it's placed as the second track because if it was first, it would've been too on the nose and i think "descendents" just makes so much sense as the first track. the second track and bouncy, taunting, honest and calls for people to carve their own paths. one of my favorite parts of this song, besides the bass line and vocals, are the fun little "na na na na na" taunts sprinkled throughout. it's a catchy song that you can't help get stuck in your head. "pervert" is about just what it sounds like. specifically, it's more about the guilt that comes with natural adolescent horniness. like bro you're literally in college of course you're horny. idk why, and i hope this doesn't say anything about my character, but funny little songs like this always end up being some of my favorite songs and what are you gonna do about it? they're catchy, fun and outrageous, what's not to love? the way he delivers every word with a passionate and almost desperate punch makes the song seem even more sincere. maybe it's too much since its on their "do not play" list. when i first heard "rockstar", i thought there 38 second song was nothing to write home about. it's insanely fast-paced, you can only make out a few words and it's really in your face. but now, that's what i like about it most. it challenged what rock and punk were about at that time and they did so effectively. "no fb" is another misogynistic horny anthem. it's so absurd, it's kinda funny and i can't take it seriously.  "can't go back" is an immediate hit from this album. it's the first song to stray away from the vulgarity and harsh punk persona the first couple of songs and lets the descendents' pop punk genius shine through. someone on songmeanings.com (from 20 years ago) said this song is about mocking the romanticization of losing your virginity. i'm writing this entire blog, so i'm sure you can guess where my expertise lies on this topic. what i will say is after learning that interpretation and reading the lyrics, i can get get behind that interpretation. from an album review i read here, it says that this song also strays from "being primal and even obnoxious into showing their vulnerability". i agree with both sentiments and couldn't agree more. in a way, it makes the song hard to listen to, like someone is covering up their disappointment and shame (lyrics) with happiness and ignorance (instruments). "gcf" is a solid punk song encouraging kids in the scene to not let drugs wreck their lives and not let it mess with other's lives too. try stuff, but be safe and don't become and uncontrollable addict no one wants to be with, and i agree with that. i don't care what you do, but don't be weird about it. "my world" kicks off the later half of the album, a.k.a. the back to back no-skip bangers that will always be my favorites forever. i love the perfect description and feeling this song sets up for being an introvert and feeling "othered" from people. you want to fit in and force yourself to but sometimes the only thing you can do is look out for yourself and passions. in this song, milo's passionate about his college studies and songwriting, but this can be applied to anything like what i previously said. sometimes you have to protect your peace, if you will. "theme" is a fun instrumental full of walking bass lines, poppy guitar riffs and fun drum fills. it gives the listener a nice break from having to process all of these emotionally-charged lyrics and appreciate descendents for their whole talent and not just for milo (i love milo). "silly girl" is one of my favorite songs of all time. if i could only listen to one song for the rest of my life, this very well may be it. the vocals, the lyrics, the guitar tone, the bass and the pacing of the drums are all perfectly pop punk. i can't even begin to explain how much dopamine is released from my brain the moment this song comes on. it's such a fun love song that strays from the misogyny from earlier tracks. it has that "sad longing love" sound to it like breaking up with someone because you love them, not because you want to, but you'll always wish them well. i wish the song was longer, maybe like how milo felt this relationship was short lived. it's vulnerable and shows the beautiful romanticism that's trademark of pop punk. "in love this way" is yet another amazingly crafted love song. it's a feeling i'm all too familiar with: wondering if you can be more than friends. it's such a fun, nerve wracking, stomach-churning, anxiety-inducing, butterflies-in-your-stomach feeling. sometimes it's better to feel this excitement than to know the truth, and that's what makes it so bittersweet. "christmas vacation" is not a happy song at all, but it always finds itself getting stuck in my head. it's so bouncy and happy and clashes with the lyrics, making it all the more fitting for what the song is about. it's a complete shift in theme from "in love this way" and when playing the songs back to back, it leaves the listener with that same feeling of disappointment and heartache. regardless of the somber air of the lyrics, i still love this song. the guitar and drums are so mesmerizing, i find myself replaying this song multiple times in a row just to hear them again. and the little vocal riffs are so catchy even a year after hearing it for the first time, i still find myself humming it and trying to hit those notes as cleanly as milo. "good good things" might actually tie with "silly girl" when i think about the one song i could listen to for the rest of my life. there are no words in the english dictionary for me to even describe how good this song is. it's just a masterpiece. it's a song you have to listen to in order to understand it's genius and how good it is. "ace" is the perfect song to close out this album. i love the truly 80's riffage and pacing. it's full of withheld anger has such a unique energy to it, it's hard to not like this song. i love how it's set up with heavier parts that drag you down, balanced with lighter uplifting parts. it's encouraging people to do what they're mean to do in life. keep creating, keep doing good and keep living. it's so much more impactful as the ending track as it leaves you with those parting words, "so quit thinking...and start doing, you got a lot to live for... so quit crying... and start trying... now's the time to live". 

     all in all, i can't even begin to scrape the surface of how beautifully crafted this album is. it sparked a whole genre of punk for christ's sake and if that's not telling enough of how good it is, i don't know what is. 

10. "demo" by milksteak (2024)

    i would be shocked if this did not make it onto my spotify wrapped (future me is saying that 2/3 of the songs did but i'm not sure why all 3 didn't). call me biased, but i love everything my friends do, and this ep is no exception. i highly anticipated the release of this ever since i got the inside scoop about this new project. as soon as it came out, i listened to it on the daily and soon knew every beat, every note, every word and every fun element packed into its 8 minute run. 

    it's so distinctive and beyond any home recorded project i've ever heard (sorry to my beloved: sign crushes motorist). it's like listening in on a personal phone call or re-listening to a voice memo from a rough point in your life. it's so beautiful and nostalgic but also like nothing i've ever heard. it feels painful and heavy underneath the sound that lays on you like a soft summer breeze. i think what i can really appreciate about all 3 songs is how unique they sound while they still capture the same bouncy and lively mood. i love songs that juxtapose their lyrics to the rest of the instrumental elements that carve out a completely different soundscape. this ep masters that while also having an underlying tone within the sound itself that somehow matches the energy of the lyrics. it's packed with smart and catchy lyrics that you don't even realize are full of words out of a place of heartbreak, regret, the innocence of love versus the harshness of reality and trying to save relationships that leave you blaming yourself. it's a folky-indie-emo powerhouse that incorporates an impressive amount of layering that both presents itself as a regularly layered song upon first glance (listen?), but also as a stack of sound you sift through and continuously find something new in it with each play.

    this demo is reminiscent of the summer (probably because that's when it was released...), working my ass off at sonic, late night convos with my brother, being miserably single and anticipating (physically) leaving behind a lot of people to go to college. if i were to be a song, i would probably be "zombie me". if you're someone like me who blames themselves for a multitude of issues that are not even remotely your fault or feel self-centered, then look no further than this song. "i always find the time to be the cause of every issue/ i always wonder why i'm not someone you commit to" always crushes me. it's not the queer experience (self-inserting) if you haven't felt like this either in receiving or giving in a rocky, adrenaline-filled, short-lived situationship or talking stage that went nowhere but still haunts you. i love the guitar's twang in the intro that gives way to angelic vocalizations and a soft beat. the lyrics are full of begging and wishing for things to turn out differently to which many people can likely relate to. "catscratchfever!!!" is such a fun song with one of my favorite intros of all time. i don't know why, but the way the vocals are presented are so cohesive with the rest of the song's presence and energy and it's sonically pleasing. whatever instrument is in the background that emphasizes the guitar and amplifies the soundscape deserves a raise. and the brass!!! so good and fits perfectly. no bad notes there. "i don't mind being careful all the time/ eggshells crush" has me on my knees sobbing because (for me) being in a queer relationship, or just being queer in general, can make you feel like you're walking on eggshells all the time. it's hard to balance your joy with your shame and the desire to be with who you want no matter the odds because that love and attraction is so strong. and finally "capillary action" ends the ep off with a bang. i don't know why i'm praising the vocals in each song like they're better than the last two tracks, but they're all so good in their individual right. this track hits you with lyrics that might as well have been picked from your brain the moment you realized that person wasn't good for you. it breaks your heart and pieces it back together with the sickly sweet and almost taunting, yet comforting instrumental. it's like trying to save your energy and be mature while you still wanna lose your shit and be honest with them. it doesn't hold back and says all that needs to be said. honestly if anyone needs to end it with someone, just pull out this song and they'll get it. 

    i know it was scattered, but this ep honestly just gets you thinking at a million miles an hour. i will say this now and once: out of all of these albums and eps, i beg you to listen to this demo. it's only 8 minutes packed with impressive talent, emotion and truth. it's worth your time and it supports a texas artist! plus, you'll most likely find 3 of your new favorite songs right here in this ep, so why not give it a listen?

11. "spiritual healing" by death (1990)

    i love death metal i love death metal i love death metal i love death metal (and i also strangely like a lot of blue albums too). i literally don't even know where to start i'm currently listening to "living monstrosity" and trying so hard not to mosh and break through my dorm floor. i guess the big question is why do people (myself included) even like death metal? what is death metal and why tf is this album in my top 20? 

     death metal is an extreme metal genre ("extreme" depending on who you ask) that started from other pioneering "extreme" metal genres from the 80's, like thrash and black metal. bands that influenced/ started death metal include possessed and their "seven churches" album from 1985 (arguably THE record that started death meta and also ironic i'm writing about them if you know the recent news that came out), pestilence, atheist, cynic (idk those 3 bands, this is just what google quick search said), suffocation, and OF COURSE death itself with the godfather of death metal, chuck schuldiner, carrying the entire weight of the death metal genre on his back. if you like death metal but think death is an overrated band, just remember who got you where you are today. all of your favorite bands and their favorite bands were probably inspired by death. of course their sound may be more developed, but death paved the way.

      cool, but like what is death metal? a big argument for why people listen to death metal is the same reason someone would watch a horror movie or read a horror book. it can evoke strong emotions, paint a story, allow musicians to display their creativity and technicality, allow musicians to blow off steam in an indirect way, etc. but for songs that don't touch on slasher-level death, death metal is actually a really cool statement about censorship as a whole, questioning religion, morality, humanity, philosophy and can even be mystical, emphasize the importance of nature and what we already have, criticize the government and allow for individual expression and provide deep community. i think what i like most about this album is how it sticks to a lot of traditional aspects of death metal with harsh vocals, blast beats, chugging riffs, squealing solos and spewing anger. but it also touches on deep subjects like "real life horrors" including serial killers and their skewed thinking, drug addiction, false prophets like faith healers, the right for people to chose what they do to their bodies/ individual liberties as a whole, social awareness, sympathizing with mental illness, being outcast, unethical science practices, and victim mentalities. why would anyone be sick enough to willingly listen to something like this though? well, things like this really happen in the world and music and art has the power to expose dark parts of the world and put emotion behind it. art is supposed to make you feel uncomfortable. it makes me even more passionate about these topics as i connect with the anger and frustration presented by the music, i love the sound, listening to it lets me calm down instead of me misplacing my anger and honestly people have morbid curiosity so instead of having crazy images stuck in your mind, you can just listen to it. it doesn't make people inherently violent either (except maybe new gen metalheads or alcoholics) and at shows, there's a mutual understanding of allowing yourself to get your anger out by dancing and yeah you may hit people, but its part of the thrill and can make the music even more impactful. i definitely don't advise anyone to listen to death metal 24/7 as it can understandably be emotionally taxing, especially when you're in a dark place. but, that doesn't mean it can't help you. 

     no surprise: i discovered this album on youtube circa my freshman or very early sophomore year of high school during my infamous mental health roller coaster. sob story, whatever, BUT when i tell you this album changed the game for what i considered heavy, there was literally no turning back for me. yes i grew up on metal like it gave birth to me itself but i always craved a heavier listen. "one", "trapped under ice", "the shortest straw", "hallowed be thy name" and "walk" weren't heavy enough for me (yeah don't come for me in the comments, my dad died and i didn't listen to metal for years, and even then my listening was heavily censored, so i got what i could). and sure i listened to all the gateway bands like metallica, megadeth, slayer, iron maiden, random thrash metal compilations on youtube and the like. surprisingly, i thought death metal sounded like trash because you can't even understand the vocals (unless you have a trained ear, or it's just 80s/90s surface-level death metal). little did i know that this album is the perfect mix of what death metal is about. it has the vocals, it has the guitars, it's got the drums, it's got death, it's got deep thinking: it's everything an angsty teen wants. and now, it's my life line. 

     "spiritual healing" is probably one of the best gateway albums into death metal because it leans more towards melodic/ early technical death metal, introduces topics other than death and is heavily underrated (so you can say this "deep-cut" album got you into death metal). i would honestly write paragraphs about each song on here since it's only 8 tracks long, but it would probably be twice as long as my entry about iron maiden and all of my other novel long entries. i'll say this: i really appreciate chuck's vocals on this album because he cleaned them up enough so you could understand him better and the message he was trying to get across while still keeping that death metal grit and edge. his lyricism is witty, compelling, complex, urgent and commanding as always. he always brought an undeniable presence to everything he did, and this album is no exception. the guitars chug where they need to and elevate the soundscape in all the right places with unforgettable riffs, haunting solos and a wicked tone. the drums pace the songs with indescribable precision and create tension that grows into adrenaline-filled beats. and yeah the bass does its thing. all-in-all it's a solid album with zero complaints. people do argue that this album walked so "human", "individual thought patterns", "symbolic" and "the sound of perseverance" could run. it's unfortunate it's not appreciated as much as it should be, but having an "unpopular" album as your favorite is always fun because sometimes it shows how you can appreciate things other people cannot see. and yes, i love death's entire discography (i barely listen to "symbolic" and "the sound of perseverance" as much as the other albums, but still) and it's perfect no matter what, but something about this album stands out more to me. and obviously i'm gonna have a soft spot for it cuz it got me into death metal. 

     final thoughts: 10/10 solid album worth your time. it's life changing and super digestible for anyone wanting to get into more extreme metal genres or who wants to see what it's all about. 

12. "you're gonna miss it all" by modern baseball (2014)

    no one could ever make me hate modern baseball, and especially not this record. it's safe to say that this album has been a classic for a decade from the moment it was released, and will be for many more years to come. not gatekeeping, though this album warrants yet another rant about 15 year olds on tik tok who romanticize manipulation and isolation and i'll stop while i'm ahead. most great albums attract some kind of ill attention and i guess i just have to suck that up and pretend i'm pretentious in my own right, despite having only listened to mobo for like 3 or 4 years (i think that counts as before they blew up on tik tok but i don't wanna research it just incase i end up finding something i don't like...). i just need to keep telling myself that it's good other people like the same music i like and that there's no way that in this album's decade of existence that i'm the only fan (it's false because my uncle has an original mobo dog banner from like 2015 and bren walked by him at one of the mobo shows he went to so do with that what you will, besides me bragging). i digress times a million and need to talk about the album itself.

    this is just one of those albums that, if given the opportunity, i would do literally anything to listen to it for the first time again. but i would settle for maybe like the 3rd time listening too. not gonna go into the whole schpiel because i found this album on the same playlist i found american football and listened to individual songs from modern baseball on random midwest emo "mixtapes" on youtube during my freshman year of high school and yada yada; i still listen to it religiously to this day. now talking about each song in depth and overflowing eagerness (and like a tumblr user who found this album in 2014): "fine, great" is a solid opening track with modern baseball's signature "loner-feel bad for me-i hate everyone and this girl i'm talking to-i guess i'll suck it up" lyrics that always succeed in sucking you into the story. i love it's pacing and the tone it sets for the entire album. it's a fun, bouncy and angsty listen that does all the right things it needs to do. "broken cash machine" is one of my favorite songs lyrically because of how well it sets up this scene of self-reflection, regret, feeling stuck and feeling out of place within yourself and your relationships. it's one of those songs, like many on this album, that makes you do those weird emo hands while screaming the lyrics or just sit in an empty parking lot with your mcdonald's while thinking about an ex. "rock bottom" is just a really, really, REALLY good track that deserves all the love it can get. the lyrics are hooky, the rhythm and instrumentals make you feel extra angsty and makes you kinda want to eat pizza and watch planet earth. "apartment" will never not be one of my favorite modern baseball songs. i love the switch up at the beginning that matches with the frustration from the lyrics, because i would be pissed too if i was in love with someone and it dragged out forever. it's so sweetly bittersweet and ends itself all nicely with a little bow. "the old gospel choir" is one of those tracks that i literally need engraved into my bones. the angst that this song evokes within me will never die and i need proof of that. "sharp as a tack, but in the sense that you're not smart, just a prick" is one of my favorite lyrics that i will always inevitably have stuck in my head. that "fuck you" is so personal, i feel it deep within my being and that slow down after is like recoiling from that pain you or someone else caused and you're reeling from that wave of pain and destruction (instead of being a kid in the 2010s, mobo should've hired me to write lyrics for them). it's one of those songs that i can't describe very well in words why it's so good and why i like it, but when you listen to it, you'll get it. i also don't think i can make many notes about "notes" because of how damn good it is. "dear long dark hair/ i write cause i know you'll forget" are just lyrics, but for some reason they really stick with me and always hook me in no matter how many times i've heard it. the tempo and instrumental and everything makes me wanna grab my belt buckle and do a little slow cowboy walk because of how unironically country sounding it is, but not enough to make me hate it. i can't say more because i would be here all day talking about it (which is a lazy way of saying that you wouldn't be able to stand me if i gave a genuine review of this album). "charlie black" is a fun little tune that has a really cool intro and adds to the quirkiness of this album. the best part about this song is how the lyrics from this tie into one of my other favorite songs, "timmy bowers", and which took me way too long to realize that they were connected (oops). "timmy bowers" is so breathtakingly beautiful and haunting and is the perfect song for numerous occasions. just don't listen to it too many times on the way to algebra 2 or you'll end up hating that class even more. "going to bed now" used to be an easily dismissed track on this album but has now recently found itself as one of my favorite stand-outs. i love everything about it and continues to build upon its greatness the longer it goes on (i'm almost done giving half-assed, glazing, vague commentary). i love the little guitar part in the middle and like everything, like i don't know how to put it into words anymore, "so please leave my house". "your graduation" is a cult-classic worthy of every single praise it could ever be given. it got me into mobo and this album and more into modern midwest emo and great diy sounds. if you've never watched this music video at midnight and cried your eyes out, then set an alarm and go do that. the lyrics,"bullshit, you fuckin missed me" is another one of those instances in this album where i feel it personally aimed at a million and one people and also makes me feel like an edgy 13 year old cussing in front of my family on "accident". yes i love everything about this song and i feel edgy and want to go smoke a pack by the train tracks on a bleary fall night while bundled up in my finest carhartt. it's a track full of regret and it leaves you wanting more. "two good things" is another song that has recently found itself as one of my favorite tracks, and for very good reason. i love every single lyric, every single strum, every single beat and every single time it makes me want to drop on the ground and throw a temper tantrum because a girl doesn't like me back and my family still has expectations for me. "pothole" is one of those songs that i didn't think could be better as a demo, but i was amazingly mistaken when i heard the demo release in honor of "you're gonna miss it all" 's 10 year anniversary. nevertheless, it's such a strong ending track that does its job by making you want more of the song, the entire album and modern baseball (come back!!!). it's very reminiscent of "i think you were in my profile picture" (one of my other favorite modern baseball songs). it's so beautifully somber and angsty and does the album more justice than one could ever think was possible. 

    this album is the perfect angsty anthem for the fall and winter months, and even for summer nights when you're staring at your ceiling thinking about your summer situationship. excuse my vague and repetitive descriptions for this album but if you heard each song, you'd understand how you can't really put their charming quirkiness and brooding attitude into coherent words. and if i typed out all of my favorite lyrics, i might as well be genius.com. i have literally zero negative things to say about this album except for maybe the fact that it would be better if you listened to it right now. 

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    thank you for reading my first ever blog post. a lot of time went into this (september 2024 - january 2025) and i cannot thank everyone enough for their continued support and interest. i poured my heart into this with a lot of personal things and i thank you for allowing me to share that with you reader. music has obviously helped me through hell and back and i find that it's beautiful looking back on your life and seeing the soundtrack that's been unintentionally curated for it. my hope for this blog is to share my musical experiences and to document my honest thoughts and feelings about it all. please let me know what you think with any constructive criticisms, anything you relate to, questions about a song, album or artist or if you just wanna say something. 

thank you again, 

-unknown.blogger

p.s. yes, there's no blink-182 on here, but trust me, there will be in the future

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